www.chrisdarbro.com - Chris Darbro

Ugh. I’m not sure where to start with this post. I’ll just come out and say it. I have a problem. I’ve had one for a month or so now. More Specifically, A problem with alcohol. It’s not only been ruining my life, but my friendships, relationships with others, etc. It’s been making me moody, more overanalytical than usual, depressed, and causing me to lose appreciation for life, and at times, even my own in particular. I really hit rock bottom saturday night. My mom kinda warned me about something, I didnt listen to her, Or myself for that matter, went home, got hurt a little by someone who really didnt care for me as a friend as much as she claimed, decided to drink a little to loosen me up a little, got hurt a little more, and at that point was too drunk to make any rational decisions, including caring for my own life anymore at that point, and continued to consume disgusting amounts of alcohol. From what I later heard I was puking and making a large ass of myself, none of which I remember fortunately (or unfortunately), to be honest, I dont even recall how I ended up in bed. I was woke up by one of my roommates the next morning and shortly after realized how drunk I still was, and that really bad alcohol poisoning had already started to set in. I was losing my vision, among other things. I didnt want to be there, so I scraped together every ounce of energy I had left and got out of there, and somehow made it to my parents.

From there, I preceded to break down to my mom, and tell her everything, and apologize not only for not listening to her, but for my actions the previous night, and anything else that I might have ever done to make her ashamed or disgraced of me. I then decided it was a good idea to just come clean about everything then and there. Some people have their addictions, alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, sex, and other things, that they use to escape their pains or problems. When feeling down I could always rely on going home to feel better, because my mom didnt know about my problems and thought I was a good kid, and I could find comfort and escape in that. I realized how stupid that was and how I was feeling good by living behind a lie. So I came clean and told her about ALL of the problems I’ve had the past few years. Im not too comfortable mentioning them right now, but this alcohol thing wasnt my first problem in the past 3 years or so. But I came clean of all of it, and she took it better than I expected, told me she wasnt disappointed in me, and reassured me everyone makes their mistakes.

The past few days Ive been stuck here at my parents detoxing, eating lots of bread and water, trying to get everything out of my system. It’s been hell. Im thankful I’m alive though. I’ve been getting better, but today (tuesday, 3 days later), Ive still got some problems, I’ve been unable to leave the house still, all day today I’ve been extremely dizzy and unable to keep my balance, or focus on objects when I look at them, luckily it’s been wearing off the past few hours, (it’s roughly 10pm now), but it’s been hell all day, like spinning around as a kid until you’re gonna get sick, but then that feeling doesnt go away and lasts all day, it’s not fun.

I’ve gotten rid of my alcohol, anything and everything I had, and wont be touching the stuff. I’ve had a lot of time to think about what’s next in my life over the past couple days, and have some good ideas I think. It’ll be interesting to see how the transition goes, smooth hopefully, my real friends have been supportive and helpful to me during this time, I cant begin to say how thankful I am to have them in my life and to support me during this time. I wish I had a June Carter in my life to get me through this (those who’ve seen walk the line know what im talkin about), but, alas, I dont. heh. But I’m thankful to my friends and family and love them more than I can say.

To my beautiful, sweet, and long time friend Kimberly, I dont know what you’re thinking reading all of this, I’m sure it’s a bit of a let down, You’re such a strong person with such strong morals and ethics, and are always so endlessly positive no matter what life tosses your way, all I can say is I love ya, thank you for your friendship over the past 4 years or so, or for always being there for me when I need it, even in times similar to this where I might have let ya down or did something ya didnt approve of.

Telisha, sorry that we havent been able to take our walks like we used to, kinda hard now that I’ve moved, we’ll have to set up a time where I can come out one night and we can go for one of our old walks.

Chris and Jason, wow… seriously, when we were kids I didnt picture any of the 3 of us going through the stuff we’ve been through, or kris not being around, among many other things. But I’m glad that after all this time and all that’s happened we’re back together chillin and still have each others backs. and nate’s pretty cool too, you guys picked a good replacement for me after I left. haha.

To all my other friends, you all rock, sorry that it’s been a while since i’ve seen some of ya or even talked to those of you that live out of state and such. I still love ya all.

I’ll try to update again sometime soon so keep an eye out for that I suppose. I’m outtie.

-Chris