www.chrisdarbro.com - Chris Darbro

I just had to update today, I felt pretty compelled to.
I had, the most, fun date I can ever think of last night,
and I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time, I feel like
I’ve got my cake and am eating it as well, my brain is happy,
my heart is happy, and I couldnt be more excited. last night
was just, awesome, the date was 10x more fun than I thought it’d
be, and it was fun to catch up with someone I’ve known for a few
years, but hadnt seen in about a year or so. We had a great time,
and it was defintitly worth doing in comparison to the
concert I was supposed to go to instead, so, yeah, I’m in an
awesome mood today. That’s all I have for now, maybe I’ll update
the moblog as well sometime soon if I get a chance.

“…And when she says goodbye, I just die again
That’s when my restlessness begins
Please don’t let it win
I’m so tired again
And underneath the haze, one thing still remains the same”

So, yeah, let me start off by saying sorry to anyone who was
trying to get a hold of me in the past few days, I’ve been
kinda busy with work stuff and doing some cleaning/packing,
enough so that I really havent touched my computer at home
for a few days. Heard about it earlier tonight and decided
to check when I got home, and sure enough, I had 6 Instant
messages from people because I had left messenger running
and it was set to never be set as ‘away’, and I had 60 new
emails. Only 5 were spam. yeah. crazy. I usually avoid most
problems like this, because I have my cell phone set to alert
me whenever I get emails at a certain email address, and people
either mail me at that address, text message me, or just call me.
but due to the fact I have like 8+ email addresses for the
different things I do and am affiliated with, all the other
email addresses except that particular one were filled with emails
from people trying to get a hold of me. So needless to say I’ll
be spending a chunk of time with email tonight. Things have
been a little topsy turvy, just getting ready for the move,
Im semi-excited, it’s going to be interesting because I have
so much crap to move, especially my new furntiture, now I have
new couches and stuff to throw into the mix. bleh. It’s gonna
suck. furntiure, misc items, will go first, most of my guitars
after that, and then my computer and bed. Moving on, decided to
go watch the play rehearsals tonight for a little bit, they were
interesting, I miss the old days and miss doing that kinda stuff.
it was a lot of fun, and it’d wear ya out, but it was a good, fun,
and rewarding kind of wearing out. That’s about all I have for now,
im tired and I have a lot to do before I hit the sac, I’ll probably
post sometime in the next couple of days or something, I believe I
have a date tomorrow night, so maybe even tomorrow night or the next,
we’ll see. for now, I’m out.

Havent been up to much, just the same old, working hard for
my gobs and gobs of glorious money! Haha. Went and did the
last of my apartment hunting today, that’s right, the last.
Found a place that seems pretty great, and am probably moving
into it sometime in november. Seems weird, and I suppose
’scary’ to an extent. I could have been out of here and in a
place of my own long ago, but someone or something was holding
me back that entire time. and it’s not so much that entity
was holding me back persay, but It was more of a fear that I
held onto. My brain knew I should go, just as it knows now,
but my heart held a great fear, almost greater than anything
it’s ever known, and no matter the circumstances, it didnt
want to feel like it had ever abandonded that entity, just
like it promised it wouldnt once upon a time. But I’ve
finally forced myself to ignore my heart for once, and I think
my brain might be a little happy with the compromise I’ve
made with myself. My heart hasnt been as happy as it once was
in a long time, and I dont blame it or expect it to be. But
my mind has been pretty happy lately, and I’ve fallen into
this habit of growing addicted to making money, and being a
little bit frivolous with it. not a great habit, im sure I’ll
find a cure soon enough. I’ve always been the type where those
in my life, relationships, friends, family, etc, have always
been more important to me than any amount of money or success.
But I’ve found that im in a stage where I cant find the
same happiness in those things, and my continuing growth in my
success has filled some of that void, so I take what I can get,
and I continue to push myself harder and harder everyday, to
grow my success and myself as a person even more, and that’s kind
of how I live my life. Kind of funny, when I was growing up, even
for a while in high school, it’s how I pictured my life after high
school, how my process of ‘growing up’ would be like. I never
imagined that a month or 2 before I moved back here from
california that my heart and what it wanted would be changed the way
it started to, I had been so strong on my beliefs, and my goals
and how my life was going to be, and nothing was ever going to
change that. then I came back, and shortly after, something happened,
and I found the one thing that gave me an inspiration I never
knew I had. But now im in another spot in life, and im trying to
get myself back on the track I was on back before all of that,
and hopefully this apartment is going to be a huge step towards
that, I’ve taken a lot of little baby steps towards that over
the past 7 or 8 months, but I need something more solid, something
bigger, and this seems right somehow. And I know that in doing this
I can still avoid abondoning that entity, just in a different way.
But no matter what, this whole thing is a chance my
brain tells me I should take, and I just need to do
it, and not look back. It’s like when you’re a young child, and
you have those moments, where you are scared, whatever task it is
you are trying to accomplish seems so easy to a lot of those around
you, but it makes you shake just thinking about it. and when you get
up the courage, you get just enough to where you tell yourself,
“it’s too late to back down, I’ve gone this far, I must follow
through”, and you do it. whatever it was, you do it, and after when
you are calmed and your breathing has returned to normal, you look
back on it, and say to yourself, ‘wow, hey, that wasnt so bad’ and
your fear of it or your lack of courage towards it is no longer
an issue. Im just hoping that’s what’ll happen here. whether it does
or doesnt, I need to take the leap, whether there’s water or rocks
below. Heh, I apologize, I kind of went off for a while there, as I
sometimes tend to do. what can I say, I love to write. There’s
probably so much more I want to say, but I dont remember it right
now, so Im probably going to start prepping to move, and I’ll put
up some pics of the new place in a month or so probably, maybe sooner,
we’ll see. For now, Im out, keep an eye on the moblog, I’ll try to
update it when I can.