www.chrisdarbro.com - Chris Darbro

ugh. I was working on a damn novel of a blogpost tonight, and in the middle of it, I stopped. It was theraputic to write, but now im just emotionally exhausted, I definately dont envy myself right now. It’s saved, and perhaps I’ll finish it and post it in the future, but not right now. it one of the most personal posts ive ever had the audacity to write. I think it’s when you feel the world has been taken away and you feel as if nothing’s left that you really dont care anymore. what people think of you, or what they know about you. vulnerable as can be waiting for the vultures of the world to come pick you off, not expecting anyone to rescue you. meh, here I go getting ‘deep’ again. I need to save it for the other blog and get some sleep.

Im sure many of you have. I want to let out a sigh. then a growl. then a sigh. then a growl. I think if I keep that up and sigh inward, I might be able to avoid losing air. who knows. I’ve noticed Ive done a lot of blog posts this past month. many more than I prolly have in the last 4 or 5 months I think. Which is just about when it hit me. It’s amazing how many things in my life are tied to bigger ones, this example being that I noticed that the reason I started this site originally, the reason I have been blogging a lot lately, the reason behind every speed ticket ive ever gotten, and much more is all for the same reason. and for the 1 or 2 of you that know the real reason Ive gotten my speeding tickets (besides speeding), pretty much know a good secret about me know and how to manipulate me at will. haha. eh……meh. that describes me. Im a little weird, and feeling lost in the world right now, it blows. Along with the fact that lately life feels like a race, and I cant compete with some people. Part of that is kind of by choice. Im not some spoiled loaded guy. I’ve worked hard for all that I’ve got, and will continue to do so for the things I want. I am me. But sometimes people make me feel like that just isnt enough. I’d do more, provide more if I could, but that’s just not possible, I dont have things handed to me on a silver platter like some people. Rich kids piss me off. They take everything from granted. Put me and some rich punk in the same room with something that we both claim means the world to us and ask us to give up everything we have for it. Watch the kid get nervous and then watch me as I dont think twice and give it all up. Doesnt matter if I have a dollar in my pocket or a million. The things that mean the most to me come first, Whether it’s friends, family, whatever. I cant just throw money around to sway people’s influences and get what I want. but I’ll work hard to get those things, you can be sure of that. Sometimes I just feel like that’s not something people value anymore these days. I know one day Im going to do something great. I believe I’ll do a lot of somethings great. and be well off. But there’s a road to get there, it’d be nice to just be plopped into that position, but that’s not how it works, and even if I was, that doesnt change me, or how big or strong my heart is and will always be. I hope someday I have a lot more people in my life that love that about me and want to be part of that. Seems in this decade people have become more materialistic. It’s sad. And no, before anyone jumps to conclusions, this blog post isnt about anyone or anything, I just wanted something to blog about today to keep up my pace of blogs lately, and jason and I were talking, and he was mentioning things he’s hated about his past with girls, and said something like “dont you hate it when you are the type to give a girl your heart and do anything for her and all that mushy stuff, only to have some guycome along and give her a gold watch and she rides away in his bmw saying I like what we have and wouldnt want to ruin that” or something like that. that sounds pretty crappy, I hope that wasnt something that happened to him for real, that’s pretty messed up. haha. Anyway, there’s what ‘grinds my gears.’ lol. Anyway, time to head to work, busy day tomorrow too, but my weekend starts tomorrow night, im hoping I have a good one, that’d be nice. guess we’ll wait and see. Im out! (Like Big Hair and Spandex, Suckas!)

Random thoughts from today, things I’ve said out loud, text messages, IM’s, pieces of conversations, etc, all from today (5.2.2006)

11:00 am  “grr, do I hear a baby crying? ugh that baby, with the crying and the teething and the screaming. but she’s cute though, maybe I’ll get up and go out and play with her for a while so my mom can take a break.”

11:30 am “hmm. I really need to get my oil changed.”

1:30 pm - I’m listening to ‘whiskey lullaby’ by brad paisley, guitar in hand trying to figure out the chords, in hopes that if I do, maybe kayla will sing it for me like she said she would someday. I know she gets shy about singing in front of people, Ive known how that ones goes for quite a while, and still get shy to do it in front of people. I text her and tell her im learning it. though what the song is about can be kinda morbid, jokingly.
1:50 pm Txt reply, from kayla: “it is a good song”

2:05 pm decide to put things down, go get my oil changed at the local jiffy lube.*cough* ripoff*cough*

3:10 pm “grr, why is this guy bugging me? I know he’s done with my car, but cant he see im on the phone? so much for a jiffy. hrmph.”

4:15 pm eating mom’s leftover spaghetti, running out the door with barely a shoe on in hopes of getting to work to clock in an hour early. im betting they’re gonna call overtime.

4:45 pm “I should call my dad in cali. let him know that thing he wanted me to look at for him sucked.”

4:50 pm (phone conversation, my end) “no seriously, it sucks, im serious. the world is flooded with this type of product, and the  marketing for it just plain sucks. it’s not gonna happen.”

5:00 pm suhweet im here to work just in time.

5:20 pm”damnit. they called overtime. just great, I’ll be here till 1:30 am if this keeps up.”

6:00 pm mmm. I love this peach fruit drink. it rocks my socks.

7:00 pm “no I didnt end up going to california, havent I been here the past few days? gosh!”

7:01 pm “im sorry. just had a lot on my mind. no, i didnt go, decided to save my cash and stay home.”

7:35 pm grr. ipod battery just died. cant believe I forgot to charge it.

9:46 pm “ooh text message!….aww darn, it’s just carrie f. damnit, I dont want to reply to her, and she called me by my last name. grr, there’s no way im replying back.”

10:00 pm “i know, I dont want to say here long either, ive been without music the past 2 hours and it’s killing me!”

11:00 pm grr. they arent calling off overtime, ive been here 6 hours, now I have to take a lunch. perhaps I’ll head to burger king down the street.

11:20 pm “what the hell? why does this hamburger smell like smirnoff?”

11:45 pm I forgot to turn my ringer off on my phone. we’re not even supposed to have cell phones on on the work floor. kayla txts me and a familiar lifehouse song blares into the air, with everyone glaring my direction. face turns red, im trying to shut my phone off, it’s not working. I get it to stop, and sink into my chair.

12:05 am. I go to write a text just as a supervisor walks by. just happens to be the bitchy one I dont get along with.

her: no phones on the call floor! what’s your last name?
me: ( i tell her)
she walks away. I know im busted. and now im pissed off and irritated. I log off and decide screw the over time, im telling them im sick and going home, I just dont care.

12:55 am AFI’s new single, “miss murder” is playing on the radio. I really dig this song. it’s bouncy and fun.hehe.

1:48 am Sweet! Carrie M is online! I can maybe talk to her about my girl troubles and get a perspective on things.

[Conversation Begins between carrie and myself.]
(only various snippets are listed here)
[01:56:22 AM] Carrie:I don’t think you’re crazy
[02:01:26 AM] Chris: time to what though?

Guys take heed at the next part, this is valuable advice about girls, from one, made me think of things I didnt before.

[02:02:01 AM] Carrie: we have to think about things. trust me,
we overanalyze everything and it takes us forever to
figure out what we want, even if we already know deep
inside, it sometimes takes time to surface.
[02:04:39 AM] Chris: honestly, your last message is probably
one of the greatest things a girl has ever told me about
girls. you might even think it’s common sense, it’s just
something that my mind, in all it’s frantic thinking
right now and lately, just hasnt been working into the
equation
[02:10:12 AM] Chris: I think that just comes from me pouring my
heart into and being so passionate about anything I do
[02:11:01 AM] Chris: speak to me carrie, tell me your thoughts,
so I dont lose my mind, lol
[02:38:02 AM] Carrie: but…
[02:38:06 AM] Carrie: i will talk to you soon.
[02:38:08 AM] Carrie: goodnight!
[02:38:13 AM] Chris: k, sleep well carrie ann from japan
2:45 am I’m in the mood to blog. I’m feeling kind of random right now. I know, how about just a random blog post of randomness from today. that’ll be fun for me to read a few months from now. why not?

and there you have it, folks. my random day, a nice look into the inner workings of my mind and my day. I feel like my slate is clean and ready for the morning, time for me to sleep. nite!