www.chrisdarbro.com - Chris Darbro

Yeah, I know, that’s probably not the first time Ive used that title
for a post, and im sure it wont be the last. Im just pretty upset today,
and I hate being upset, but ive got good reason to be. I dont know how
best to explain it. I was just in a not great mood a week or two ago
about a decision I was making. Then I was finally shown some sort of
sign to put off that decision, and if all went well, maybe I wouldnt
have to make the decision at all. Then someone showed me that perhaps
that sign was crap, maybe it didnt mean anything at all, because it
sure didnt seem to matter to them. I for the most part fully blame them,
this person has put me in this situation in the past before, and I had
completely forgotten about it. They had the ability to prove that it
meant something and that I shouldnt make that decision, and they blew
it, I think. My mind is still a bit scrambled about the situation. I
know im tired of the crap. This person might be able to make it up to
me, I dont know. But they’ve very little time to try, even though I
know they are very capable of doing so whether they realize it or not.
But if I know any better, they simply dont care and wont try, and will
just let things slip through the cracks. and Sadly, this person has
rarely proved me wrong when I wanted them to. *shrug*. I dont know
what will happen next, but im a week or so away i think from making
the decision i was going to make, and from the looks of it, im sure
much isnt going to stand in my way this time. we’ll see. Anyway, this
is all very cryptic i imagine, it makes sense to me though, which is
enough for me, being that I view this as more of a personal journal
I accidentally left open than a blog. But for things that arent as
cryptic, stay tuned, I’ll try to get the rest of the vegas story up
as soon as I have the energy to.

07.27
Eh. rough awakening. I had a bit too drink last night at the bellagio,
but not too much. no hang over, just tired in general. Morning started
off just the same as most of them did. Just a little…busier. The
briefings started this morning, and the amount of people hustling and
bustling around seemed almost double than that of previous days.
Morning was going typically the same, although with a bit of tension
and craziness going on because of the Michael Lynn/Cisco/ISS scandal,
aka ‘Ciscogate’. (If you’re not familiar with this, a google search
should turn up some interesting stuff, I’d rather not go into it in
the depth it deserves here). At one point some of my coworkers were just
standing around and chilling out, when I remembered all of the mess of
cables we had left downstairs last night. So I let neil know I was gonna
go tackle that, and did. about 15-20 minutes later, chris, another
friend of ours that had been down there with us, came down and helped a
little. We spent a good hour or so detangling network cables and power
strips, and wrapping them up and sorting them. After that we were needed
elsewhere, so we went wherever it was we were needed, working security
at lunch if I recall. No one else was available, so I snagged chris and
anyone else available not doing anything and headed down to the lunch
area. Jeffery came down a few minutes later and had lunch with us, as
we started to get ready for the horde of people about to arrive. The
day continued on with other various work and tasks, until 6, when it the
day was done and the Gala started. The gala was awesome. full free open
bar. A buffet of all kinds of tasty food. I got started on some food,
a budweiser, a glass of merlot, and my staple drink, the one and only
Captain & Coke. Just then I noticed nicole with one of her friends, and
I nervously said hi as I walked past, got a simple hi back, and went
back to hang out with some of my friends. I decided now was a good time
to slip out of my work clothes and into something nicer, so I ran
upstairs, put on some nice jeans, t-shirt, belt, and my black sport
jacket. I looked damnnnnn fine. I went downstairs and finished my
food, while finishing my drinks and having another 5 or 6 captain and
cokes. By the time the gala was ending, I was pretty lit. I came across
nicole again, and asked if she was going to the party I was heading to
across town later. She said sure, and we planned to meet there later.
Some friends and I decided to head to the party across town, which was
a 10 minute taxi ride, but no bother. We got in and the place was
hopping. There was definately some great energy going at this party.
I left my friends to their own devices and went around to mingle with
other friends and people I knew, though subconsciously I was mainly
looking for nicole. about 20 minutes later I found her, at one of the
bars upstairs in the club, a little frustrated because she couldnt
get a drink because of the mass of people swarmed at the bar. Here
was my chance. like the drunken knight of spirit I was, I pushed
through everyone, not letting a damn thing stand in my way, and I was
getting her that drink, right now, and there was nothing anyone was
going to do to stop me. Worked like a charm, she had her drink within
30 seconds of bumping into me, and was thrilled with my galant gesture.
hehe. I didnt want to seem to desperate (which I realize I wasnt doing
at all), so I left her with her friend and went and mingled some more.
Prior to finding her the first time, I had bumped into a friend of mine
who suggested that since we didnt have to pay for drinks, we should bump
the bar tab as high as we could, and order the most expensive drinks
possible. being I was pretty gone by this time, I thought it was a good
idea, and spent the rest of the night drinking 5 or 6 of the most
expensive drinks I could find. yeah, I was on my way to liver failure.
Also, while mingling, another friend had been telling everyone at the
party that I was the VP of 3com, the company hosting the party, so
people kept coming up to me all night and telling me, “hey, great party,
your company rocks, we appreciate it” etc, which started out funny but
got to be annoying after the 30th time I heard it. hehe. Anyway, after
all of this, I met up with nicole again back towards the bar, where she
snagged us some drinks, and a couple of waters as well, and then asked
me if I wanted to go down on the dance floor and dance with her. In
any other situation I might have been hesitant, but I had no inhibitions
at this time, and didnt think twice about telling her yes. we set our
stuff on a table by the dance floor and went out and danced and chatted
a bit. we were very close, and were talking cheek to cheek when I got
the brilliant, yet drunk idea to kiss her on the cheek while we were
talking. no hesitation, just did it.and continued a bit as well. She
seemed to be digging it, and now we both had an idea that we might have
been as interested in each other as we hoped. (A few days later she’d
end up telling me how good a thing this was, it set me apart from all
the other guys trying to invite her back to their rooms and such, she
knew that I genuinely liked her and wasnt just looking for a piece of
tail.) We got done dancing and went and sat in our booth, just talking
about all kinds of stuff, all the way until the club closed for the
night. We took a cab together back to Caesars Palace, said our
goodnights downstairs, and went our separate ways, both very happy.

(to be continued)

this sucks. I hate this. I hate these feelings. So many things going
on. fear, helplessness, frustration, sadness, emptyness, and more.
I dont know what the hell to do anymore, or what I want. part of me
pretty much at the point where it’s ready to sell off my car along with
pretty much everything I own and start life a new. Let things take me
where they will, my only responsibility being to find a way to take
care of the clothes on my back. I feel like im ready for a big change
or some big adventure, but have quite a bit weighing me down and holding
me back from it. I keep finding there to be more truth to this, and I’ve
felt this way for more than a year now. bleh. that’s all I have for now,
just needed to vent a little. I’ll continue part 3 of the vegas story as
soon as I can.