www.chrisdarbro.com - Chris Darbro

hehe. so, apparently there was some trouble with plane arrangements,
so, Im flying out a day early, and leaving this morning at 11am.
so I cant ask for drinks on the flight there. sad! hehe. but uh,
it should be a blast I hope. I’ll try to get people to take lots
of pics. it oughta be a good time. I’ll maybe update or something
while Im gone, though I said that last year and didnt update till
I came back. hehe. dont know what else to say, so, Im out!

Ever since I was about 12 or 13, back in the days that would become
the roots of the hopeless romantic I’ve turned into today,
I’ve always loved this song and all of it’s lyrics:

Semisonic: Singing In My Sleep

Got your tape and it changed my mind
Heard your voice in between the lines
Come around from another time
Where nobody ever goes

All alone on the overpass
Wired and phoned to a heart of glass
Now I’m falling in love too fast
With you or the songs you chose

And all the stars
Play for me
Say the promise you long to keep

I can hear you sing it to me in my sleep
I can hear you sing it to me in my sleep

I’ve been living in your cassette
It’s the modern equivalent
Singing up to a capulet
On a balcony in your mind

In the city the lion sleeps
Pray to sony my soul to keep
Were you ever so bright and sweet
Did you ever look so nice

And all the sounds
Dream for me
Dive me down in a soul so deep

I can hear you sing it to me in my sleep
I can hear you sing it to me in my sleep
—–

It’s great song about a young in love couple,
and the mix tape she makes for him. So cool. such
an awesome song. Everytime I hear it it’s one of the few songs
that takes me back to my childhood, when I dreamed of days when
I was older and was the knight in shining armor, who’d rescue the
fair maiden and sweep her off her feet, and carry her into the
sunset. I only write any of this because I was sitting here in
bed with a lot on my mind, and I noticed that though I hadnt heard
this song in a long time, it was playing in my head oddly enough.
Something’s been really bothering me, and I’d like to say it’s only
been bothering me the past little while, but in reality, in some form
or another, it’s been bothering me for about a year and a half or so,
or in some cases you could probably even say it’s been bugging me for
about 3 years. Time keeps ticking closer and closer to this time I’ve
had in my mind, and Im in a weird situation. And worse, I dont know
what to do. I feel like MacGyver in a tough situation, and without a
paperclip, rubber band, and a piece of wire to save the day and get
me out of it. Or even the professor from gilligans island in a rough
predicament, and there’s not a coconut in sight to magically make
something cool out of to save the day. you get the idea. and when it
comes to my life, I usually take things head on and roll with the
punches, but now im in this situation where I can even say I feel
partly afraid. I dont like where it’s going, and I usually live my life
without regrets. But I fear if something’s not figured out, there could
be some big possible regret in the future that is irreversible, and not
just for me. I hate being stuck in this well, searching for an answer
on how to get out when it seems like one doesnt exist. And this is a
situation where it almost seems pointless to do any hoping that someone
will provide an answer, though I wish I would be proved wrong. *sigh*

And yet at the same time, it’s also like im stuck in the well with
someone else, and I know the secret passage or answer to get both
me and the other person out, and yet im deaf,blind, and mute, with
my hands and legs tied, with no way to communicate the answer to the
other person, as I sit and feel the time pass, till the doom that
awaits.

*sigh* Grr. I hate when I can see things that people cant see or
realize.
*sigh*

So I sit here, waiting 2 more days for something, which good or bad
I’ll likely have to deal with in some way when I get back from vegas,
hopefully vegas clears my head a little and eases things, I guess
I’ll have to wait and see what happens. Anyway, I probably have
provided nothing interesting for any of you to read in this post, it
was just another one of those ones to clear my head a little, so I’d
recommend everyone download and listen that song I was talking about
at the beginning of this post, it’s a great one, and I’ll feel I at
least provided something good out of this post. hehe.

“Im sorry you have to go through so much pain over her”. That’s
something a friend of mine told me tonight. It shouldnt have had
to been said, but it was. Lately Ive been a tiny bit confused,
a lot frustrated. (what else is new, right?) Lot of things, even
people that have been bothering me. One example, if you’re a guy
between the ages of oh, 16 and let’s say, 25?, and I dont know you,
there’s a very good chance I probably hate you right now. And I sure
as hell dont like feelings of jealousy. I havent had that feeling
for a reasonable amount of time,and it’s not one I like at all. Ive
mentioned or hinted at for the past month or so of trying to rid
my mind of something, and it got to a point where I felt bad about
it and was just confused, and kind of stopped for a while, now im
thinking I might need to get back on that track, because if I dont
and the problem keeps getting worse like it has been the past month or
so, im just going to keep feeling more upset and hurt all the time and
frustrated because I cant fix something that’s out of my control. I
hate that feeling. I hate watching something head towards an impending
doom, and because I know im wasting my breath with concerns that would
fall on deaf ears, I have to sit and watch the wreck, and unfortunatly,
Im thinking that when the day comes that that happens, im going to be
too upset, disappointed, frustrated, hurt, to want to pick up the pieces
when they want to be. I fear by that time I wont want what i’ll view
as damaged goods, because feel responsible for the downfall and think
back to how i had to watch it all go downhill and it be out of my
control, because of the other party. Not that this is making a wink of
sense to anyone.

Moving on, the past couple weeks ive been having this weird dream,
sometimes it’s even a day dream that I nod off and start thinking
about. In it,I’ve got this thing that I have only dreamed of for a
while now, and im so amazed that I have it, because it’s something
I thought I always wanted. but then when this is taking place
(about 6-8 years from now I think), im presented with a conunundrum.
I have to make a choice, between keeping this thing I’ve fantasized of
for a while now that seems perfect, and something else I made a
promise to years ago. (at that time). problem is, it’s not the typical
head/heart problem decision. it’s heart/heart, with the first one my
head wanting a little as well, where as the second one would be if
I looked back and wanted to keep true to being the guy I’ve always
claimed to be. though if things keep going how they are, and this
weird dream ever came true in the future, well, like I said, if things
keep going how they have been, I likely wont have a problem choosing
sadly.

On a different note, Im still fairly psyched for vegas, it oughta be
fun to see how everything goes. Im sure I’ll lose a good 10-15 lbs
while down there as well, as I managed to do last year. hehe.Only
3 days away, im excited. another thing to mention before I forget:
if anyone cares, I updated a little of the text on my last blog entry,
and threw in a pic as well for kicks. *shrug*. with that, im out.